Thoughts on Becoming a Daddy

I'm going to be a daddy in six months. Honestly, after typing that sentence, I have sat here trying to think what to say next for almost 2 minutes. What do you follow that up with? I am excited, scared, happy, humbled, ... if I could pick one word to sum it all up that word would be "shocked", meaning in a state of shock. I mean its reality that I am going to be a dad, its happening, and its happening now not later. All my life becoming a dad was something that would happen "later" when its "time". All of a sudden "later" is here and the "time" is now. If you had asked me when I was 16 or 17 years old when I thought I would become a dad, I would have said when I was 23 or 24 probably. Well, I'm 24, about to become a dad, and I can't believe it. I've had little responsibilities for a long time now. I wasn't really responsible for anything until I got home from my mission and began to get into management of restaurants and hotels, leadership positions at school, and leadership callings at church. Some of those responsibilities seemed big to me at the time, but thinking about being a dad makes all of the other things I have ever done seem completely meaningless in comparison. I've had a pretty selfish existence almost my whole life. I mean as a kid people put a lot of time and effort into developing me into who I would grow up to be. I worked my butt off before and after my mission in order to develop myself professionally and that has paid off. I can look back on my life and see the Hand of the Lord in my life in so many areas to make huge differences and put me into the position I am in right now: in California, working for a great company, married to the most perfect person for me in the world. All of it, everything I have ever done and worked toward and existed for culminates eventually in this moment: I am about to become a dad. People put all that effort into me so I would eventually be a good dad. I worked my butt off so that I would eventually be a better dad. I went on a mission so that I could be a better dad. The Lord has changed and influenced my life for many reasons, but ultimately, every time the Lord has blessed me or answered a prayer, it has been not only to help me through times and experiences in my life, but also to make me a better dad.

Anyway enough of this serious stuff. Sometimes I get a little too over-dramatic. I am very intimidated and excited to be a daddy. I'm going to have to learn how to change a diaper, and I am absolutely not looking forward to that. I'm going to have to get creative in providing things for my kids to do too because I am not going to be the kind of parent that lets my kids watch 3 hours of tv per day and play video games the rest of the time. If its a girl, she will get a BYU cheerleader outfit as soon as she's big enough to fit into one, and if its a boy, he will get all the bicycle toys I can possibly manipulate him into playing with. I just can't wait to see what my kids are going to look like, what color of eyes they are going to have, will they look more like Palmers or Larsens, what if my girls like football and biking and my boys like cooking and puppies... I can't wait to create the memories with my kids that my parents, especially my dad, made with me. I have great memories of camping, canoeing, hiking, biking, road trips, long talks, football games, and so many other things with my dad. I just hope, when its all done, that I can be as good of a dad to my kids as my dad has been to me. He's been the biggest influence for good that I have ever had, and its no wonder that of the 5 kids he's raised not one has strayed from the basic things we were taught from day 1 by him and my mom. The next 6 months will go by so fast...